Learn to Mind Read (And Why It Destroys Relationships)
- Ali Zafar
- Sep 5
- 2 min read
We all mind read. Every day. Every interaction.
Not the supernatural kind. The NLP kind:
Assuming we know what others mean.
Assuming we know their intentions.
Taking our assumptions as fact.
We don't need to learn it, we need to UNLEARN it
The Hidden Filter
Reality never reaches us RAW.
Everything is filtered through:
Past experiences
Beliefs and values
Preconceived notions
Relationship history
We don't see the world as 'it' is, we see it as 'we' are!
Why It’s Dangerous?
We go through life in a bubble of our own perceptions, usually believing every filtered input to be fact
False certainty → “I know why they did what they did.” OR "I would never do that"
Bias reinforcement → one assumption builds another, like floors of a skyscraper on shaky ground.
Emotional distance → trust erodes, understanding disappears.
Over time:
Teams stop collaborating.
Couples feel unseen.
Families misjudge each other, even after years together.
When we see every misunderstanding as proof, the bias hardens. We stop responding to people, and start reacting to our skyscrapers of belief.
What To Do Instead
Ask intelligent questions – Clarify before concluding.
Understand without aiming to WIN – Listen to connect, not compete.
Assume positive intention – Choose trust over suspicion.
Acknowledge their lens too – They’re human, biased, imperfect… just like you.
Curiosity builds connection. Assumption destroys it.
“But Won’t That Make Me Naive?”
That’s mind reading again.
The fearful voice says: “If I don’t assume the worst, I’ll be taken advantage of.”
Truth:
Assume the worst → you create the worst.
Mistrust → you cause mistrust.
Positive intent → creates cycles of trust.
Strong relationships aren’t built by suspicion. They grow through virtuous cycles of trust.
Closing Insight
We can’t stop filtering the world. But we can stop mistaking our filters for truth.
Drop the assumption.
Ask. Clarify. Connect.
Because the moment you stop mind reading, you start truly understanding.
Transforming Relationships
In almost every long-term relationship, mind reading has been happening for years. That’s why so many teams, couples, and families hit walls of misunderstanding.
The advice above can begin shifting this. But if you want to transform relationships rapidly, working with a certified coach is the way forward.
At Best You Life Coaching, we’ve helped clients across continents break free from years of misinterpretation and rebuild relationships through science-based coaching. From boardrooms to living rooms, from colleagues to couples, breakthroughs are possible.
📲 WhatsApp: +44 7438 619573
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